Dear 18-Year-Old Me,
I see you.
I see how scared you were that day — how heavy your heart felt, how tightly you held your secret, waiting for the right moment, the right words, the right version of her to show up. I see how much hope you had when you said, “I have something important to tell you, but I can only tell you as a friend, not as my mother.”
And I see how it shattered you when she said no.
She could’ve held you. She could’ve said, “Of course.” She could’ve opened her arms and made space for your trembling voice. But instead, she closed that door.
Not because you were wrong. Not because you asked for too much. But because she couldn’t be what you needed — and she chose her control over your pain.
You carried that pregnancy in silence. You carried the fear, the confusion, the loneliness. And then you carried the loss — not just of the baby, but of the support you should’ve had. You miscarried in more ways than one.
And I am so, so sorry.
I’m sorry you were left alone in something no one should ever have to face without love. I’m sorry you learned that opening up might get you dismissed. I’m sorry the woman who should’ve protected you chose instead to protect her image, her role, her power.
But you survived.
You held that pain with grace. You confided in a teacher. You kept going. You kept your soul intact. And even though it took years, you are speaking now. You are healing now. And I promise you — I will never abandon you the way she did.
You deserved softness. You deserved warmth. You deserved a mother and a friend.
And you still do.
I am that for you now. I will keep showing up. I will keep standing up for you — every time someone tries to make you small. Every time someone tries to erase you. Every time someone tries to rewrite your truth.
I love you for surviving.
I love you for trying.
I love you for still believing there might be something better on the other side.
And I’m here now.
You are never alone again.
With all the love you’ve always deserved,
Me 💛
Where softness, self-awareness, and emotional healing are allowed to coexist. Through reflective writing, grounding rituals, and intentional beauty, Sparrow Trades offers gentle support for sensitive souls learning to reconnect with themselves.
