Did you know fireflies live underground for two years before they ever light up the sky?
Yeah. Me neither.
He once sent me a firefly video—just a quiet, flickering moment. At the time, it was probably nothing more than a sweet share. But when I brought it up again later, I typed, “Did you know they live underground for two years? Yah, me neither,” and I felt something catch in my chest.
Because suddenly, it wasn’t about insects.
It was about us.
Living Below the Surface
I’ve been emotionally underground with this person for two years. Not out of shame. Not because I didn’t care. But because the connection never seemed like it could fully exist in the light. Not yet.
We’d joke. We’d share pictures. We’d pass each other pieces of ourselves in the safest ways possible. I’d send photos of meals I made or my dog being ridiculous. He’d send a funny image or a dog video from his mom. Surface-level… but not really. Not if you looked closer.
That firefly video came back to me in a flash of courage. When I said, “I liked when you sent selfies and that firefly video,” it wasn’t just a compliment. It was a breadcrumb. A spark.
Feeling the Risk of Light
After two years of growing feelings and carefully edited interactions, I finally said what I liked. What made me feel connected. What I missed.
And I knew exactly what I was doing. I disarmed the vulnerability with a random fun fact, but it was calculated kindness. I’ve learned that when I say I don’t like something, he shuts down. Disappears. So I tried the opposite:
“I liked when you…”
It wasn’t about manipulation. It was about trying a different way to reach someone who runs from emotional pressure but responds to safety. To subtlety. To soft landings.
And maybe… it worked. Because the next thing I knew, he was engaging. Joking. Sending pictures again. Following up. Being present.
Not all at once. Not with fireworks. But like a cautious firefly… glowing, just enough to say, “I’m here too.”
No More Hiding
That’s when I realized something:
I’ve been hiding underground too. Maybe longer than two years.
Waiting. Hoping someone else would be the brave one. The first one to light up.
But not anymore.
That simple statement — “I liked when…” — was my first flash.
Not a floodlight. Just a flicker.
But flickers grow.
I’m not pressuring anything. Not forcing it.
Just lighting up a little more each day.
Letting someone see me, one spark at a time.
My Truth Now
I’ve decided I’m done hiding. In love. In life. In who I am.
Whether this person meets me above ground or not, I’m rising.
Because I don’t want to stay in the soil of almost.
I want to be seen. Felt. Known. Loved. Without fear.
Underground is fine for a while.
But I was made to shine.
Where softness, self-awareness, and emotional healing are allowed to coexist. Through reflective writing, grounding rituals, and intentional beauty, Sparrow Trades offers gentle support for sensitive souls learning to reconnect with themselves.
